Right Rumination

Audio on Youtube: https://youtu.be/l9hikm4K9mM?feature=shared There was a time when my inner world felt like a war zone. On the inside, I constantly questioned my worth. “I am a failure.” “What must people think of me?” “I cannot seem to get anything right.” “I am just not enough.” “This is too much to bear. I want to give up.” These were not just passing thoughts. They were a loop, a constant hum in the background of my life. I did not just direct that harshness toward myself. Sometimes, I caught myself thinking poorly of others, judging, comparing, and criticizing. Then a verse would come to mind: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.”   2 Corinthians 10:5 It would convict me. I would feel this tug toward change, a desire to break free from the cycle of negativity, to live differently. And sometimes, I would. For a little while. But then life would h...

Audio:   https://youtu.be/4HM8zwjKpYs?si=DJNi3y0GXTlxu9Rt The answer did not come in a podcast, a book, or a clever Instagram quote. Not even a desperate scroll through the internet could save me this time. The answer came when I hit rock bottom. No more quick fixes. No “ten steps to peace.” A realization that I had nothing left. And that is when it happened. That is where the transformation began, not in the noise, but in the nothing. Jesus said it so clearly, but I never understood it until I lived it: “Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 5:3 Poor in spirit. Not rich in answers, not strong in willpower, not full of ourselves, but empty, desperate, needing.   It was in that place of spiritual poverty that He became my everything.

Audio: https://youtube.com/shorts/dI84WhUgluE?feature=shared “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18 There is a holy breaking that happens when we come to the end of ourselves. When pride crumbles, when we are no longer trying to hold it all together, and we finally admit that we need Him. Not in part. Not occasionally. But desperately. It is at this point that the Lord draws near. When we empty ourselves of ourselves, we make room for the presence of God. And when He comes near, He comes as Light. Pure, brilliant, and holy. In that light, things begin to change. We start seeing with new eyes. Sins we once excused, ignored, or never even recognized suddenly stand out, exposed in the glow of His holiness. What once seemed harmless now feels heavy. This is the kind of nearness that changes you. And it hurts in the best way. Because with that awareness comes grief. Not shame, but mourning. The kind Jesus spoke of whe...

Audio:  https://youtube.com/shorts/UzyEihD_rXk?feature=shared Once you are drawn to the light, there is no pretending anymore. You see yourself clearly. Not through the filter of comparison or self-justification, but through the truth of God’s presence. And that truth demands a response. You confess. You admit what He already knows. Not because He needs to hear it, but because you need to surrender it. And in that moment, something else stirs within you: the deep awareness that you need a change. Not just in behavior, but in heart.   You need to repent and let go of who you were, so you can become the person God is calling you to be. It is here you begin to learn meekness. Not weakness as the world sees it, but surrender. A strength under the control of God’s will. A quiet power that stops fighting for its own way and starts trusting God’s way even when it hurts. “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5 The world doesn’t honor meekness. But our Hea...

Audio:   https://youtube.com/shorts/YF-zec0N5lg?si=JQTGAzib_PtcX59_ “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” Matthew 5:6 Now that you have emptied yourself, now that repentance has cleared the clutter, there is room for something new. And you feel the hunger rising. But this time, it is not for the distractions, the sins, or the empty habits that kept you far from God. This hunger is holy. You have fasted. Whether from sin, from noise, or even from things that are not wrong but no longer serve your walk, your soul is now craving for something real. You are hungry for righteousness, for God’s presence, His truth, and His ways. Because here is the truth: learning to delight in God’s Word is a matter of appetite. When we fill our souls with spiritual junk food—endless scrolling, distractions, bitterness, pride—we lose our appetite for what really nourishes. The Word feels distant. Prayer feels like a chore. Not because God is far, bu...

Audio: https://youtu.be/LrXJsHEzba0?feature=shared From 1996 to 2021, I lived as a saved woman, faithful, active, and present in the church. I served, showed up whenever the church doors were opened, and did all the “right” things. On the outside, it looked like I was walking closely with God. But inside, something was missing. I had forgotten my heart. I thought looking spiritual was being spiritual. I thought that outward obedience proved inward surrender. But it didn’t. And eventually, the mask of doing couldn’t cover the ache of emptiness. It took years for the Beatitudes to come alive in me. It wasn’t until I truly emptied myself of myself that something changed.   I began to see. I began to hunger. I began to mourn. I began to bow. I found myself asking, “How did David become a man after God’s own heart?” David didn’t just follow rules. He delighted in God.    In His Word.   In His presence.   In His will.   And I couldn’t help but cry out in prayer: ...

Audio:  https://youtube.com/shorts/NrdGzxLztP4?feature=shared “Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.”   1 Timothy 4:13 Reading the Bible is powerful. In fact, my favorite pastor (my husband) recommends that we read the entire Bible from start to finish at least once in our lifetime.   It gives us context, the progression of historical events, God’s revelation, and the full counsel of His will.   It fills our minds with truth. And when the time is right, the Holy Spirit brings those truths back to our remembrance. “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost… shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” John 14:26 But here’s the question:  We read, but why doesn’t it always stick?  Why do we read and walk away unchanged?  Why do we forget last week’s sermon or fail to follow through on promises we made at the altar?   Because reading alone isn’t the end goal. ...

Audio:   https://youtu.be/bfHTcxXGwOA?feature=shared “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” 2 Timothy 2:15 I was just glad to survive college! What was supposed to be a five-year course in Occupational Therapy stretched into nine years. Only by God’s grace and my parents’ patience and financial support did I make it through.   So, imagine my surprise when I became a Christian and realized I had to study again! But this time, it wasn’t about textbooks or exams; it was about God’s Word. Remember when I prayed, “Lord, I want how David desired for Your Word, Your presence, and Your will.  Well, because that prayer aligned with His will, God answered it! There are several ways to study the Bible: verse by verse, topically, character studies, devotionally.  I’m not an expert or a scholar;  I’m just someone seeking more of God, and He sees that. He met me in that longing and gently led me...

Audio:   https://youtu.be/49Vn7K-4j84?feature=shared There is a kind of rumination that feels harmless but, in reality, is either useless or self-destructive.    It creeps in when we let our minds run wild and unchecked. We let our thoughts drift wherever they want, and yes, it’s strange how random our minds can be. One moment we’re fine, and the next, we’re spiraling into vanity, anxiety, shame, comparison, or fear. Why?     Because left on its own, the mind often drifts toward futile thoughts or darkness. That is the default setting of the flesh. Our brains are wired to stay active, even when we’re not intentionally thinking. Emotions, memories, and past experiences sneak into our thoughts and start building entire scenarios. Our minds fixate on what might go wrong, what did go wrong, or what we’ll never get right. And the world tells us this is normal. “These thoughts are generally not indicative of a serious problem.” But the Word of God says otherwise: “Cas...